Many people assume poly people always date together. In fact, poly people (even couples) give space for individual relationships to develop. Nude women and live female relationships are always constrained by time. When one partner is more available than the other, it makes sense date separately so that they can enjoy their new relationship. Couples that choose to date together usually artificially limit the space for conversations and intimacy. That means deep relationships with each individual may never develop the way they could if people dated separately.
Did one partner choose polyamory, and the other partner is going along? Very often, the decision to become polyamorous is driven by one partner. The other partner may want to save the marriage or to make their partner happy, but often they are hiding feelings of inadequacy or reluctance. If these feelings are not worked out, they will turn into resentment and unhealthy actions. If infidelity is part of the couple’s past, they have even more work to do before a third person can have a healthy relationship with them. When you envision a triad, are you only considering the sexual element? Some couples tend to emphasize sexual relationships over the emotional bonds formed in a triad. This often happens when the couple is looking for a solution to marital difficulties. A new person brings sexual excitement and novelty, which focuses the sexual energy on them. The period of may mean the other parts of the relationship (if they are desired) are neglected. Another common scenario is that a husband wants his wife and the new partner to be bisexual, so that they can all have sex together. This puts pressure on both women, who may not be interested in each other or may only be pursuing bisexuality to please their male partner. How much will your third partner share your life? The third person is often not considered a partner when it comes to sharing the home, finances, or child rearing. The common reasoning is that the third person hasn’t earned their place yet. In polyamory, relationships do not require a test of loyalty or commitment. Experienced poly people use communication to negotiate access to different parts of their lives from the very beginning. Similarly, couples often form a hierarchical relationship with a third person to maintain appearances for family or friends. The third person may be excluded from company parties, family gatherings, childcare pickup, or even the front seat of the car.
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